Bitterness

The bitter root
takes hold so easily
it's not fair, why me,
why not me?

It's hard to see
blessing
in pain
in what I do not have
in waiting
in uncertainty.

I'll break, this time
I'll shatter I'm sure
can't take any more
or won't.

I do not understand, and it
angers me
to see dreams dying
again and again
and you say they
must die
I must die
to see the fruit
but must it all be
posthumous
won't you give me
one
tiny
taste?

The road to trust
is long
is hard
is arduous
demands my all
and promise waits
beyond sight
hazy
diaphanous
a mirage
or reality?
I must trust what I
cannot see.

I'm so tired.

This learning weighs me down
I walk on
blind trust in ancient promises
no other choice
I must trudge on
and on
till like fresh water
blessing will arrive
to refresh
to renew.

Till then
I stumble on.

There's nothing else I can do.